Somebody Kill Me Please...I'm on my knees, pretty, pretty please....
2004-08-22 @ 11:32 p.m.

Honestly, I don't even know what to write. I've gone through so many stages during my fucking up period. First there was indifference when I thought it would only last a few meals. Then there was panic...followed by guilt...then shame mixed with guilt and panic...then it was just funny...now, I don't even know what to call this. I've gained back something like 12 lbs. I've worked out like once in the past month. What the fuck is wrong with me?

When i went for a walk on saturday I was all out of breath and shit. I got tired about a mile into it...not a good sign. Esp. not since we're heading into the winter months where there are holidays a plenty and the weather makes working out even more of a pain in the ass. I kept having these visions of a thinner me by winter though. Of dressing in cute sweaters and shit from Express. If I would have just kept it up, I could have been there by now. I know I shouldn't focus on that..and should just start anew, but it's hard.

Alright, time to start digging my way out the shit pile again. Please let it work this time.

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