how did I ge to be so fat?
2003-10-21 @ 11:27 p.m.

I am such a fat fuck. Sometimes i'm actually baffled as to how I got to be so fat in such a small amount of time. I hate to give specifics about my weight...but i've gained 100lbs in the last 6 years. Holy shit, how is that even possible? I can assure you that while I wasn't a member of the Harlem Globetrotters, I wasn't walking around with a turkey leg in my back pocket either. Just looking at the number astounds me. It's actually really scary. the truly bizarre thing is that the more weight I lose, the fatter I feel. Well maybe fatter isn't the right word...i'm just more aware of my fatness. and it pisses me off. most of the time I direct my anger over being fat at the jerks who make life hell for us fat folk-- but sometimes it just implodes and I want to have an out of body experience just so that I can kick my own ass.

Today was a pretty easy day. I did my walking and I ate what seemed like a normal amount of cals without being hungry at all. I guess i'm back on track after last week. I have no doubts about reaching my goal, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't impatient as hell. It's not as if I have 20 vanity pounds to lose...i have to lose an entire Sarah Michelle Geller. I guess 10 months or so is a short amount of time compared to a lifetime of being fat. but dammit, I want a man and I want to shop at old navy.

exercise- walked 60 minutes

Food

Rice and yogart dish 250 cals

1 Smart Ones 270 cals

1/2 a steak 250?

baked potato 220 cals

dinner roll 198 cals

chocolate chip cookie 68 cals

total 1256.

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